| June 2009
Hello.
Among the wonderful places where I have
lived, worked and studied over my life span, Washington and New
York are truly notable. Yes, they are power centers. While the
currency in New York is tied directly to financial power, the currency
in Washington is tied to the exercise of raw political power. This
is an overstatement
but it seems to have grounding in some fact.
One of the unintended
consequences of being around big cities, big ideas, big people,
new strategies, change, etc., is that the small and ostensibly
inconsequential seems quite trivial and
unimportant by comparison...not big enough to truly matter. It
doesn't seem significant enough to help one poor person or one
homeless person or one friend out of work. In Washington, we seek
to help THE poor, THE homeless, and address THE unemployment problem.
A consequence of such “big” thinking can be corrosive
to our souls, a disregard for the small yet immensely important
acts of charity. My friend and mentor, John Whitehead, the former
head of Goldman, Sachs one day responded to a question of mine. "So
John, you are a man of many parts. You see the big picture, so
many of our problems can feel unsolvable and resistant to change.
So, how do you stay hopeful?" John responded in an instant. "Each
day I try to do something small and personal for someone that makes
a difference." Great counsel. Do little things for others. It will
definitely change us and perhaps another. This theme is developed
by Malcolm Gladwell in his wonderful book, Tipping Point—small
acts are individually transformational.
Several years back, I worked
on a PBS documentary with friend and Harvard psychiatrist, Armand
Nicholi. In a New York breakfast meeting, a friend asked Armand
a probing question: "Armand, if
you were with a severely depressed person and had only one thing
that you could advise him or her to do to change her/her severe
circumstance, what would it be?" Armand's reply? Urge the person
to reach out and help someone in greater need than her or himself.
Mother Teresa is famous for never getting overwhelmed
with the poverty and hopelessness among the masses of street poor
in Calcutta. Our small gestures and care matter despite what appears of
small consequence in the face of daunting intractable challenges.
So
what am I suggesting? Realize that deep satisfaction
comes from doing not just large projects, but small things for
others. I am more and more convinced that as we get involved and
become givers, WE are the real beneficiaries. For example, I have
urged countless friends to go to the ancient country Ethiopia,
likely the poorest nation on earth. Yet I urge them to go not to
help Ethiopians primarily, but rather to help themselves.
Such an upside down approach brings a deep humility to our lives
and changes us by receiving from those without.
After teaching
at Ivy League institutions, author Henri Nouwen moved into the
Larch Community in Toronto, a small residential community for severely mentally disabled people. The contrast
between the two worlds for Nouwen was profound. Nouwen joined
this community for the sake of his own growth. In one of his
books, he unpacks a new understanding of where real influence and
power reside, not in those cities and institutions he previously upheld
as the bastions of power and influence. He started noticing in
little things, very profound lessons, as well as traction for broader
change.
Ponder the following words by Nouwen. They are
truly profound. And, hey, do something small and cool for someone
today! It
might not help them at all, but it will change you!
doug
More and more the desire grows in me
simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit
on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as
someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have
the time to practice this simple ministry of presence. Still, it is not as simple as
it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant,
or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon
my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and
workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is
difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around
an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly
for social progress. But
I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn't be to know
people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their
stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes
and hugs that you do not simply like them, but you truly love
them.
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